I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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