Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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