I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
