The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
