a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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