I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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