You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
