a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
No subtext here. People are naked.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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