in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
