Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
