Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
