If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
