M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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