Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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