Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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