yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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