It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
