i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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