this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
