Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
