i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
