i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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