Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize