My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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