you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
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Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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