I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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