My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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