You don't have asthma, your pregnant
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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