i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize