wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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