Acid is not a monday night drug
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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