she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
