I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
