sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
A+ Viking dick
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
