I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
