who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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