So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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