The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
