No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
