I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
