if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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