Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
