I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
