someone threw a dead crab at me
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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