I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
