That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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