I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
