Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
