It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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