So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
