don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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