She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
