Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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