I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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