So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
