Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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