I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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