I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
