Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
