Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
