Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So many bounce houses so little time
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
