sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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