She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
