Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
