My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
