Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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