His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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