She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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