I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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