You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
