Sponge bath it is.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
