I should be sponsored by Trojan
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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