hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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