I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
