Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
