Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
