Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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