you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
