im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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