oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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